Looking for Christmas in My Home

I have tried very hard this year to get my act together and be excited about the holidays. I plastered a smile on my face when the kiddos wanted to assemble and decorate the Christmas tree, when inside I was really dreading the task.

I put the holiday music on and let it blast through our central speakers and was mainly annoyed with the noise instead of enjoying the simplicity of the words being sung.

After the children were bored of decorating the tree I didn't even finish with the remainder of the decorations, as I would normally do. I put an entire tub of decorations back in the basement because I simply was not up to the task of putting them all on our huge tree. I actually tried to talk the children into letting me purchase a much smaller tree. Which they all absolutely would not agree to.

I've baked 160 cookies so far this year and didn't even let the children eat one because they were all for someone else. I have yet to bring out the holiday cookie cutters and let the kiddos have a flour filled afternoon. We have not even created our gingerbread house this month and it is another task that I am rolling my eyes at even to consider doing.

I ordered lovely Christmas cards and they are simply sitting in the box still. I have yet to address any of them. The girls asked me if the could stuff the envelopes and I let them stuff what they wanted and the rest are just sitting and waiting for me. I can't bring myself to even look at the table they are sitting on any more.

I've purchased a few gifts for the children, but my heart is simply not in the right place right now. I can't even begin to think of tackling the stores during the holiday rush. It gives me a headache to even consider it.

I'm waiting for the spirit of the holidays to find its way into my heart and I don't know if it will arrive this year. What the heck is wrong with me?