. . . and it needs to change . . .

I struggle with discipline. It's really, really hard for me because of the way I was raised. Even though I know that discipline is a way you love your children, too. It's what they need. It will shape them. I can discipline my children, I just don't like to. It hurts me more than it hurts them. Truly. I know they still love me, regardless. But something has to change.  I must follow through even if it pains me so.

I love my children more than I could ever express verbally. Hurting my children is literally, my worst nightmare. But I also know if I don't start disciplining my children more I will shape and mold them in a way that will hurt them more than I think I may just by a simple correction. My shortcomings are hurting my children and affecting others. My son most specifically.

Lately, my husband has been telling me our children are out of control . . . so something has to give.

I'm raising my children to be ungrateful. Not intentionally, it is just happening. My children have so much, there is really nothing left to want. I'm doing something to my kiddos, crippling them in a way when they don't understand the feeling of want.

I've set the standard really . . . if I want something, I simply stop off at a store. I don't buy anything crazy. Just what I need or what I want. It hasn't always been that way. There was a time where I struggled . . . in college . . . when I graduated . . . and actually a long time after that. It was aggravating and sometimes scary . .  but it was good. These hard times really shaped me as a person . .  who I am today.

I grew up with next to nothing as well. I didn't have new clothes or new shoes or a new coat each season with a new hat, gloves and boots. I had to make do with what I was given. I was grateful and I knew what want was. When I did get something, even ever so tiny, I was grateful.

But things have changed of late. I've moved backwards since my penny pinching days . . . I've become comfortable, not thoughtful about our budget. Which trickles down to my kids. They are bored with their stuff, their things, their toys.

. . .  and it needs to change . . . so something has to give . . .